Food

6 WTF Realities Of Common Food You Buy At The Supermarket

We all know it’s better for everyone involved if we don’t think too hard about the mysteries that dwell within hot dogs. But assorted-liquefied-beast-filled wieners emphatically aren’t the only processed food harboring terrible, barf-worthy secrets. Wanna drop a few pounds before climate change becomes the entire year into “beach season”? No diet will be more effective than simply reading about all the poop( sometimes for real) they’re putting in your chow. Like how …

6

Pretty Much All Hamburgers Contain A Little Bit Of Poop

The “sustainable foods” crowd obtained much reason to wallow when a Consumer Reports investigation revealed that “no-antibiotic, grass fed, and organic” ground beef had a markedly lower rate of bacteria such as enterococcus and E. coli — you know, the stuff in turd. But ultimately , no matter what type of pureed bovine you eat, it’s going to contain some sum of shit.

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“Bon ap POO tit.”

Indeed, every single test that was experimented, from the grodiest of cut-rate bodega flesh to the smuggest of natural food store offerings, contained evidence of cow-pie-related bacteria. But if you’d like to minimize your uptake of the southbound arrivals of northbound cows, then yes, you’re better off shopping in places where there’s likewise an abundance of kale and artisan cheese. The option is yours: Would you instead be full of shit literally or figuratively?

Still, everyone can surely agree that the ideal situation “wouldve been” if there was no turd in the equation. It’s not just the facts of the case that it’s remarkably gross, but likewise that these( often antibiotic-resistant) colonic cow-borne bacteria can seriously fuck you up. While you’d think you might be able to flame-broil the grossness right out with enough heat, the nature of ground beef means the filth is dispersed in all areas of the duration and breadth of your burger — but plow ahead and continue ordering stuff rare, cowboy.

5

How Much Of Your Pantry Is Vermin Parts? We Did The Math !

You may have heard about how the FDA allows companies to sell us meat with “acceptable” amounts of horrible things( like bug personas, rat whisker, etc .) that kind of inadvertently come along for the ride. If you hadn’t, good report: We went ahead and did the math for you, so you can have some vividly graphic context for how abhorrent eating a normal banquet can be.

For starters, a can of mushrooms is allowed to contain, for every 100 grams, an average of 20 maggots. If you have a hard time visualizing what 100 grams looks like, the average can of drained mushrooms contains about 156 of ’em. Bonus degrees: The maggots can be of “any size.”

Now that you have a feel for how large-scale a 100 -gram portion is, are you able video 13 decapitated insect heads inside one? That’s what you should expect if you’re the type of weirdo who has a jar of fig adhesive in your pantry. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be some fancy-pants fig gourmet to get this type of “bonus” — ground black pepper will be still more lenient in terms of the inclusion of random chips of formerly-wriggling bug. As in, you can get 475 scraps per 50 grams. For those who tell “Hey man, it’s all protein, ” try using that statement with rat whisker … which, yes, is also permissible per 50 grams of pepper. Incidentally, fuck pepper.

This brings us back to everyone’s favorite topic: turd. And mold. And any combination thereof. Which are also all -AOK in certain sums, according to legal criteria. “But the amounts would have to be so negligible as to be practically nonexistent! ” some is a possibility whimpering as they hurriedly call a plumber to specify their fig-paste-inundated garbage disposal. Well , not in the case of canned pineapple, in which may reside no less than an “average mold count” of 20 percentage or more. And yes, there is a permissible sum of “mammalian excreta, ” with the exact percentage varying from meat to meat. But don’t fret too much — assimilating small amounts of rat feces isn’t going to kill you. Just, you know, take it in moderation, buddy.

4

Your Bread Might Contain Duck Feathers And Pig Fur

For those of you who are now frightened of every snack in the refrigerator and has now decided to spend the rest of your days biting on the occasional crust of bread like an ascetic monk, we have some inauspicious report. We’ve discussed before about how an average loaf might contain a disconcerting sum of human rights whisker, but that might clang downright appetizing when you come to find that very same loaf could also be fortified with duck featherings and hog fur.

It’s not an accidental thing wherein pigs and ducks get caught in a wheat thresher and wind up being was transformed into pumpernickel. Feathers and swine fuzz are parts in a widely used flour additive called L-cysteine. As is, it bears repeating, human whisker. The whisker in question is wiped up from the storey of Chinese hair salons and then harvested for their amino battery-acids — a practice that is actually kosher, as long as the whisker donors weren’t dead at the time.( Please suppose a reporter asking a puzzled rabbi about this .)

It’s likewise perfectly fine to take the follicle-related refuse that’s lying around on the killing storey of the ol’ rendering plant. But come up — considering that we eat swine on the regular, from snout to tongue, “its about” as “natural” as it gets. Would “youve been” feel better about it if these additives were concocted synthetically in a lab?( The answer is: Holy fuck, yes .)

3

One Third Of All Fast Food Packaging Contains Harmful Chemicals

Morgan Spurlock’s documentary Super Size Me may have been a total load of deception-flavored nonsense, but the fact is still eating a lot of fast food isn’t the ideal option for retaining a figure that doesn’t look like a sack of munched bubble gum. Adding insult to obesity, it is about to change even the wrappers and boxes fast food comes in can play their own part in reducing your grease-lovin’ life span.

Chalermchai Chaisri/ iStock
And we’re not talking about the times you’re so hungry that you wolf down the carton like a goat .

In fact, it’s grease( or rather, mankind’s age-old battle against it grubbing up our thumbs) that’s partially to blamed. According to a recent report by a alliance of U.S. researchers, the grime-repellent substances that are used in a third of all fast food packing is not simply carcinogenic like a motherfucker, but can also lead to conditions like “elevated cholesterol, decreased birthrate, thyroid problems and changes in hormone functioning, ” with “adverse developmental influences and decreased immune reply in children” as a bonus. Yeah, there might be a very good reason that gawky teenager with the filthy smock deters forgetting to give you enough horsey sauce packets.

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“Um, would you mind cramming my 17 enchiritos into one paper bowl, delight? ”

The substances in question, called PFA’Ss( short for “fluorinated out the wazoo” ), can be found in all sorts of products, from furniture to carpets to rain coats. Unless those happen to be places where you storage your spare sammiches for extended periods of time, though, there’s little probability of possibilities cancer-causing agents seeping into your snacks. Why, you’d have to cover your meat in PFA’Ss for the danger to be real! Unfortunately, that’s exactly what we’ve been doing.

The most depressing component may be how those PFAS whatsamajiggers were intended to be an improvement on what companies were previously inundating our bodies with — namely, Teflon. So what now? Do we start infusing our wrappers with yet another untrustworthy substance that may or may not move a sizable section of the next generation into lobster children? Or maybe we are at last is necessary to agree that it’s socially acceptable to walk around in public with both our faces and terminus resplendent and shining with delicious filth.

2

Most Canned Goods Still Contain BPA, A Chemical That Was Banned From Baby Bottles

Consumers have been stressing out for a while now about the potential dangers of exposure to Bisphenol-A, better known by its dreaded acronym BPA. It’s a man-made substance used to harden plastic, and could once be found in everything from microwaveable meat containers to baby bottles. Curiously, it seems to imitative estrogen in laboratory rodents, which might clarify Mickey Mouse’s high-pitched tone of voice.

Less amusingly, BPA might be contributing to health issues such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and reproductive troubles. Oh, and every one of us likely has some of it coursing throughout our veins as we speak.

To be clear, aside from attaining rats more effeminate, it hasn’t been definitively demonstrated yet whether BPA is truly a danger. Nonetheless, the FDA decided it was a risk that wasn’t merit taking and banned its use in those aforementioned child bottles, while many companies publicly removed from its use in their products. The remarkably cautious could always escape plastic stuff and stick to eating their beans from straight out of the can like a hobo, except that — surprise, hippies — canned foods are chock-full of BPA too.

Yep, there’s BPA in the sealant that’s may be in canned foods. Luckily, the majority of studies on BPA seem to conclude that it’s harmless in the small doses that a “normal” person gets exposed to. But then there’s that pesky “gray area” in the research — the one that doesn’t report so well for how pregnant women, children, and small children might be affected. And those even peskier findings that even a bit of BPA can go a long way in making an increased number of the rate of heart disease. We’re going to have to wait and see, it seems.( And maybe continue a caged rat by the closet .)

1

A Loophole Lets Companies Put The Randomest Crap In Your Food If It’s “Generally Regarded As Safe”

There’s something called “GRAS” infiltrating convenience store shelves, and we’re not talking about the fancy kind you get from deliciously slaughtering a goose. These are essences which are legally “generally regarded as safe, ” with the “generally” part being be code for “who the fuck knows? ” It’s basically an FDA loophole that’s been around for decades, and allows companies to feed us yummy things like vehicle wax and the anal formulations of beavers.

No part of that last sentence is a joke.

It’s not as if the FDA “ve been given” companies carte blanche to sneak strychnine into our Hot Pockets or anything like that( although that might be considered redundant ). It’s just that the criteria for what’s “generally safe” is a bit … let’s tell … loose. Since 1997, there’s been a permanent statute in place that, according to Consumer Reports , “allows food companies to add brand-new ingredients to the food supply with almost no federal oversight.” It was originally put in place to allow common ingredients like salt and vinegar to get around the lengthy review processes every time a manufacturer wanted to put them in something new. But since its inception, run figure, certain liberties have been taken in regards to what counts as “common.”

For instance, a sort of trans fat was on the GRAS journals until last year. And something called carnauba, otherwise known as “the queen of waxes, “ is still there. Aside from Camaro polish, carnauba can be found in all sorts of products, like lacquers, glamour renders … or frosting, candies, chewing gum, and gravy. But is it dangerous to eat? Who knows! We have no clue what exactly it does once we eat it, due to the “almost complete lack of biological studies” ever having been performed on it.

Then we have the vanilla flavoring known as castoreum, a substance which any discriminating connoisseur knows is derived from smack dab in the middle of a beaver’s butthole. It’s not as popular as it used to be( inexplicably ), but for decades, it was in all sorts of perfumes, ice cream, cookies, and cakes. Even today, you’ll never know if you’re in fact gobbling a beaver’s colonic gunk, since producers can label it as “natural flavoring” thanks to the magical of GRAS.

While munching on something that comes about through the painstaking labor of milking the sphincter of a rodent may be off-putting, there’s nothing inherently dangerous about it. So perhaps we shouldn’t study ourselves up into a sud about GRAS dining. That we recently found out that some of them might be causing rats to expire horribly from cancer shouldn’t worry you in the slightest.

E. Reid Ross is the author of Nature Is The Worst: 500 Reasons You’ll Never Want To Run Outside Again , which is in stores now and available on Amazon and Barnes& Noble .

Also check out The 6 Most Horrifying Lies The Food Industry is Feeding You and 4 Disgusting Ingredients Restaurants Secretly Added To Food .

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